Our brains are wired to make inferences and assumptions. This occurs from pre-programmed like responses/data in the limbic system to the more pliable outer cortex executive function and reasoning frontal lobe. We are environmentally conditioned by parents and society solely operate out of our bias and assumptions. If we do we can be controlled, domesticated and easier to influence or persuade. Whether it is nature or nurture it occurs and it is our responsibility to manage it. I believe it can help us to continue to evolve.
We already hone and cultivate this ability throughout the lifespan. The limbic or reptilian part of our brain is kept in check better and better as our frontal lobe develops. This dichotomy exists for a purpose; it allows us to grow and develop further. The goal is to master the impulse to make assumptions and inferences by beginning to work with them verses letting them control you. The neuro-plasticity of the brain will then expand and new neural networks will form causing an individual to continue to develop their emotional and cognitive intelligence.
To make inferences through cognitive reasoning and language is a necessary skill and intelligence. It is part of child development and necessary for survival. I don't want to undo what is a universal truth and necessary for survival. I will ask you to modify it and evolve it. Our ability to make inference and assumptions has helped us evolve our intelligence. I believe that it can continue to do so. Know we have to evolve from a creature who assumes and can be domesticated to truly being free; even from our own assumptions and bias.
We are emotionally and cognitively intelligent creatures. However, often strengths can become weaknesses. We begin to assume that our inferences and assumptions are always correct and should never be challenged. We assume that the emotions those inferences and assumptions invoke are truth. This is a weakness and no longer a strength. It gets in the way of us truly understanding ourselves and reality. It gets in the way of us having meaningful personal relationships.
In The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, it states a rule of thumb to not make assumptions.
I believe that we need to work with our assumptions and eventually learn to not rely on them as truth but simply information. Over time if we engage in this process our inference and assumptions become much more precise yet never truth. It is always information and experience that should be used to inform but not dictate. To have a learning conversation is to make assumptions and test those. To have some transparency and then clarify. That transactional process is communication. One can not not make assumptions. What we do with those assumptions is the key.
My first rule of thumb is to be willing to challenge yours and others assumptions. Secondly, the emotion they invoke needs to be challenged. It is not inherent truth. It is simply information.
Then we need to have the courage to ask questions. Don Miguel also states this in his explanation. It is much better to have the conversation, ask the question and get more information then to simply make an assumption. To simply make an assumption and leave it at that is irresponsible. Our behavior, thoughts and emotions can then be subconsciously driven by a faulty assumption and over time beliefs about reality, relationships and people. New information and interaction then puts us off balance when it should be of assistance to our realities and relationships.
Have the courage to challenge your inferences, assumptions and the emotions they come with. Have the difficult conversations. Ask the uncomfortable questions. I have found that this is a basic process I utilize in psychotherapy. It is a great skill to hone for interpersonal, business and other relationship interactions. I believe that it is a indication of cognitive/emotional intelligence and an ability to truly communicate effectively.
The Four Agreements is a great book. I do believe that assumptions should be worked with more then absolved from who we are as humans.
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