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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Spirituality & Perfectionism


www.northsaltlakecounseling.com

I incorporate a spiritual aspect to my therapeutic approach. Why?
1) Research shows that resilient individuals have one primary common denominator, spirituality. Clients often invite it in or utilize it as part of overcoming what besets them.
2) Language constructs much of the therapeutic interaction and spirituality is a common language of our humanity.
3) People often exhibit the disease of perfectionism and toxic shame.
I believe that spirituality combats perfectionism.
As Dr. Brene Brown stated in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, perfectionism and shame, according to research, lead to anxiety, depression, addiction and life paralysis. I believe they are powerful enough to create, perpetuate or maintain mental illness and other impairing symptomatology.
Brene Brown suggests that  perfectionism is different then striving to be your best or healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism as described by Dr. Brene Brown is a façade or shield that we create as to avoid the painful feelings of shame, guilt, judgment and blame. Perfectionism can simply be the behavior and emotional energy exhausted to maintain perception and seek for nothing more then approval and acceptance as suggested by Dr. Brene Brown.
This rudimentary form of perfectionism may only lead to loneliness, disconnectedness, unsatisfactory interpersonal relationships and low self-esteem versus mental illness. Perfectionism robs us of authenticity and real self-actualization. Overtime I have experienced that it has much more of a cost then the above mentioned. I believe it robs us of spirituality and connectedness to our common humanity and authentic self.  I hope those consequences are enough to consider letting go of the façade to what ever measure one may have it. It is important to remember that it is a common human experience to have a measure of perfectionism and being kind to yourself as you change is crucial.
I am not a biblical or Christian therapist despite my firm religious convictions and spirituality. Perfectionism is no respecter of persons religious or non-religious.  It is part of our common humanity and for that I have compassion. A basic practice of psychotherapy for me is instilling hope.  Hope has been described not as an emotion but a way of thinking and conceptualizing a reality accompanied by emotions.   Hope can be as simple as identifying a goal and moving towards it both emotionally and cognitively with a belief in self or a power greater then self.  Resilient individuals, according to Dr. Brene Brown have also been found to cultivate hope.  Spiritually, hope then begets faith in my mind and heart. Below is my attempt to assist you in reframing your few of striving for "perfect" to instill a new since of hope for personal growth.
The Greek word telios (perfect) derives from the Greek word telos. The meaning of telos is ‘to set out for a definite point, or goal’ or ‘the point aimed at as a limit’.  This is when using the word as an adjective.  When using it as a verb it means "to be complete."
Every so often in therapy I have a sincere Christian state that they strive and feel Christ like and desire to become more as Christ was is  and will be. I acknowledge this as a definite point and goal defined by personality, characteristics, virtues and behaviors as well as a well conceptualized way of being. In this I also challenge the perfectionism that often surfaces in the attempt to align with such a way of being. As a Christian I had a painful cognitive, emotional and spiritual time as a young man in wrestling with this very notion and process.  I often still do at times. The process none the less has provided me desired growth and happiness.  I have learned to have less and less "perfectionism" and greater telios. I have also learned that it is ok to be me and still strive for a Christ like life.
To strive for a definite point or way of being is a process and admirable. To just pretend to be is defeating to ones true self.
In the end, my stance is that whatever definite point or goal you have acquired a thought process and conceptualization for; even hope for, is best understood as a process. I would add a process of imperfection. In wrestling with our imperfections we can therefore become more complete or "perfect" according to our own respective hopes and values. We need not create an allusion that will only invite and intensify the emotions we often fear dealing with.
Blog post stimulated by Dr. Brene Brown's, The gift of Imperfection: Let Go of Who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are.

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